I Matter Framework Training

Foundation  B:   Watching Affectionately 

Group or 1:1

The Watching Affectionately Foundation B Course is a course in which we support parents and professionals in putting their I Matter learning into practice through online interactive coaching. Initially we start off with 1:1 support and then when there is more confidence group support can offer tremendous learning opportunities.

A Parent Account

Having completed the earlier I Matter courses we took part in the online I Matter group, ‘Watching Affectionately’ for 3 weeks.  Before we started we wrote a profile, completed the questionnaires and then each day we logged in to the site and recorded our interactions.

The purpose was to improve the connection between us as parents and our child by stepping back, watching and really focussing on the relationship. By logging in each day, it gave us the discipline of concentrating on our interactions with him. The framework gave us as parents the opportunity to meet together at the end of each day and review. It was useful to be part of a group and learn from the way other parents were dealing with challenges. 

There was a sense that we weren’t alone: other people were working through very similar issues. The curiosity about our co-group members pulled us in to see how they were getting on. We messaged each other with supportive comments.

The process gave us the impetus to focus on 1-1 interactions with our complex child and we each spent more time with him. Doing it for 3 weeks allowed this to become an established pattern. Because we were focussing on them, the intensity of our interactions were enhanced.

At the end of the 3 weeks, we filled in the questionnaires again to see the developments. The biggest improvements we saw were in warmth of connection: really giving him the message that we are on his side. He smiled more, had more sparkly eyes, joked more and accepted time together. 

This is a 14 year old boy who had avoided family contact and tended to mostly talk aggressively to us as his parents and to his siblings. We managed to carve out 1-1 time with just him, in a busy family schedule with 3 children. We also felt more confident as parents: setting boundaries in a calm and gentle way and focussing on staying green route.

We really valued being part of this group. It feels like it has strengthened the foundations for a stronger attachment and better relationship with our son. Thank you!       Parents of Teen diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome